Today was not bad! But tonight got a little depressing! The day started out with me getting up and trying not to fall asleep at the sink counter. I do think tomorrow morning will bring around the same feeling and I will not be able to function properly. But as the day went on I got better (and wider awake) and I really thought today would be one of the good days that come so rarely around here now. But alas it was not ment to be! My doctor has decided not to want to improve my health and deni me my medication!(don't not fear it was for allergies) but still I need to keep in the best health and state of mind that I can be in right now. So I say damn you to the lowest pits of hell doctor!!!!! Now if I wasn't such a "nice" person I would really have ment that but I do not. So as the day draged on it got better until about 7, then I really do not know what happened but I began to sink into the lower pits of my stomach and I did not want to do anything to bring myself back out. so alas I will blog and let you listen to my thoughts and maybe after this I shall feel better, maybe.
there is his boy in my first period class that will not let me have my thoughts back. It seems that more than I want them to my thoughts take over and let themsleves wonder and stray off into the corners of my mind and only think about one thing... him. He consumes my every night with him face and my every dream has to do with him. Every thing about him is perfect and it will never be so between us. there is nothing wonderful about me and every thing wonderful about him. Why-oh-why must I have a one track mind that can not control itself?
Edward... I am still searching for you. If you find me before I find you will you please let me know.
Song time...
"Baby look here at me, have you ever seen me this way? I've been fumbling for words through the tears and the hurt and the pain. I'm gonna lay it all out on the line tonight. And I think that its time to tell this uphill fight goodbye. Have you ever had to love someone that just don't feel the same? Trying to make somebody care for you the way I do is like trying to catch the rain. And if love is really forever, I'm a winner at a losing game. I know that baby you tried to find me somewhere inside of you. But you know you can't lie, girl you can't hide the truth. Oh no. Sometimes two hearts just can't dance to the same beat. So I'll pack up my things and I'll take what remains of me... Have you ever had to love someone that just don't feel the same? Trying to make somebody care for you, the way I do, is like trying to catch the rain. And if love is really forever, I'm a winner at a losing game. I know that I'll never be the man that you need although, yeah, baby its killing me to stand here and see I'm not what you've been dreaming of. Have you ever had to love someone that just don't feel the same? Trying to make somebody care for you the way I do is like thrying to catch the rain. And if love is really forever, I'm a winner at a losing game. If love is really forever, I'm a winner at a losing game.I'm tired of losing."
-Rascal Flatts: Winner at a losing game.
Oh how that song describes my life today. Goodnight all and sweet dreams! I know that it will be the highlight of my day...sleeping, for in my dreams, he and I shall be together... until the alarm-clock sounds!
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