Free Speech will be Abolished

In school they say you go to learn and more important find out who you are and what you want to do for the rest of your life. Can you really be finding out who you are when every chance you take to try to be an individual, they shove you down and say just act like the rest of the students. Now, I'm am not promoting the students who do stupid things just to get attention, I'm am talking about the kids who are creative. The ones who try to express the individuality through writing and art and other forms of expression, and all anyone does is push them down and tell them to shut up. Perfect example... my friend(who shall remain un-named), wroye a story, and it was a darker story, it had some things about death and demons. Well one day in class a teacher took his notebook and went through it, the teacher found the story and my friend was put on sucide watch!!!!! He is the one farthest from killing himself, and just because he tried to express himself through his writing, he was punished. If you are going to say that you need to find yourself in school, stop trying to fucking put us down when we want to express ourselves!!!!! Get your head out of your ass and tell us that we don't come to school to be and individual, we came to school to learn how to become a follower, not a leader. The put us in thoes little hell cells called classrooms and make us act the way they think a person should act, not the way we would act on our own. You try to mold us to be the perfect citizen, and when we don't fit in that mold, no matter how much you shove and push, and cut us to fit, we wont do it. So what do you do? You throw us away to be discarded and never thought about again. Well I have just one thing to say to you... FUCK YOU, YOU BULLSHIT PEOPLE, SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS AND FUCK YOURSELF WITH IT!!!!! Well now that that is out we can talk about something nice!

The outside is beautiful!!!!! Everything is covered in white and its silent. Its the most peaceful thing after a snowstorm. The animals are quite and there is no annoying cars and everything is wonderful. If life was always like this we would live in a peaceful world, but then that would get annoying. I guess you can never live in a perfect world, someone will always be an outcast, and that someone will make to world the most wonderful place. I wrote a poem in my freshman year and I would like to share it with you now... It has nothing to do with what I have been writinf about, I just found it a cople of minutes ago and thought I would put it on here...

MY ANGEL IN THE DARK

Down the hall you walk
Your head down,
trying to be invisible
No one sees you
No one even cares that you are there
But I do

You take my heart,
In the plam of your hand,
And hold it everlastingly,
But you don't know that

You are my angel
My shining star
You give me life,
But also take it away

Why can't you love me?
Why don't you want me?
I'm the only one who sees you
But you can't even see that

You try so hard
To be left alone
And yet you try,
To find love
Alove you can't have

You can't see how much
She doesn't want you
Or how much
I do

I need you to help me
I need you to hold me
I need you to be there for me
But you're not
And I can't live with that

So now I say goodbye
I don't want to
If only you would come,
To save me and make me stop

As I see you
Walk dowm the hall
Your head down
You never saw that I saw you
You never looked up to see

I finally get your attention
You hear that loud bang sound,
Your head turns like an owl
All the way around to see

So down I go
Onto the ground
Just lying there
As everybody screams

You run over to hold me
I ask if you see me now
Your eyes fill with tears
As you say you always have

Now you hold me,
In your arms
As I slowly slip away
Now you say you love me

But its to late
You waited to long
Your tears pour over me like a shower
And you know you did wrong

You start to yell
"Bring her back"
But its to late
My Angel in the Dark
I'm already gone.

I wrote this freshman year, and had to read it in front of class. After I got done with it, everyone in the class shouted and said that they loved it. the last year in the 10th grade we had to write a poem and I did not feel like writing another one, so I used this one. Once again I had to stand up and read it in class, but this time I got a different reaction. Instead of people saying they loved it and shouting, they sat there and staired at my like I was from another planet. then I get my paper back from my teacher a few days later, and she has written on it "This really scares me Amy". Well I guess if its a different audience you shall get a different reaction.

Song time...

Honey
BY: unknown

See the tree
how big its grown
but friend it hasn't been to long
it wasn't big

I laughed at her
and she got mad
the first day that she planted
it was just a twig

then the first snow came
and she ran out
to brush the snow away
so it wouldn't die
came running in all excited
sliped and almost hurt herself
and I laughed till I cried

She was always young at heart
kinda dumb and kind smart
and I loved her so

and I surprised her with a puppy
kept me up all christmas eve
two years ago
anf it would sure embarrass her
when i came in from working late
cause I would know
that shed been sittin there
and crying over some sad and silly
late late show.

And honey I miss you
And I'm being good
And I'd love to be with you
If only I could

She wrecked the car
And she was sad
And so afraid that I'd be mad
but what the heck
Though I pretended hard to be
Guess you could say she saw through me
And huged me neck

I came home unexpectly
and caught her crying needlessly
in the middle of the day
Andit was in the early spring
when flowers bloom and robins sing
she went away

And honey I miss you
And I'm being good
And I'd love to be with
If only I could

One day while I was not at home
While she was there and all alone
The angels came
Now all I have is memories of honey
and I wake up nights and call her name

Now my lifes an empty stage
where honey lived and honey played
and love grew up
And a small cloud passes over head
and cries down on the flower bed
that honey loved
And see the tree
hoe big its grown
but friend it hasn't been to long
it wasn't big
And I laughed at her
and she got mad
the first day that she planted
it was just a twig.

Its really an amazing song and the first time i heard it I cried. Well now that is my time for the night. Tune in tomorrow for something new...if I write tomorrow!!!! Love you all dearly!!!!!

"Sorry"

Tonight was fun. It was our first performance of "You're A Good Man Charlie Brown", and it went amazing! It was a lot of fun and I get to do it again tomorrow. So I do believe that will be fun! At least now I have something to look forward too!

We had a little drama backstage before the show! But every thing worked out. Megan wasn't going to get to have Michael there to watch her and I really felt sorry for her, because if it was me I would want my boyfriend to be there as well. But Sarah and Dean went to go get him so everything worked out. Seeing how happy she was with him made me a little sad. Noe I mean nothing against her because I am very happy for her and that she has found him and he has done soooo much for her and she is truly happy. I just wonder if I will ever have that! Will I ever find that? Will my prince ever come and sweep me off my feet? Well I guess I don't want a prince... Maybe a dark prince, one how will come and take me away to his castle and hide me away from the rest of the world because he doesn't want anybody else to have me. I would be happy with him and we would spend the rest of our lives together and happy. Yeah, that's going to happen!

Will life ever get any easier? Will I ever wake up in the morning and be happy that I am here? Can anybody know who they are and like it? Will life become a happy thing, or will it just get worse? Can anybody help you when you fell like this or is your life just meant to be lived in hell?

Tomorrow I have to go do the laundry. I think I will listen to music and people watch at the laundry-mat. Sounds fun? I don't know! Maybe I shall find my dark prince at the laundry-mat! Hahahahahahahahaha(that's funny!) Like I will ever find him.

Well if you are reading this now I am probably making you depressed and I am sorry. I guess I have to let my thoughts out someway. If I don't they will just get stuck in my head and I will never be okay.

The boy in first period. I have not seen in today, due to a snow day. But I don't have to see him in order for him to be on my mind 24/7. He has to be the most beautiful person I have ever met, in body, soul, and mind. Have you ever met that you person who is just so intoxicating that you need them like a drug. If you don't have your daily dose of them you just don't feel right? That is my first period lover, that is how he makes me feel. At least I get to talk to him and he is my friend. I don't think he knows how I feel about him. At least i hope he doesn't. It might get weird around each other if he didn't feel the same way. But what if he did and I was just sitting back and dreaming about him, yet never getting him. And at the same time he was doing the same thing? What would you do?

Song Time- there was a reason for this title...

"Oh I, had a lot to say, was thinking of my time away. I missed you when things weren't the same. Cause everything inside, it never comes out right, and when I see you cry, it makes me wanna die. I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry I'm blue, I'm sorry 'bout all the things I said to you, And I know, I can't take it back. I love how you kiss, I love how you sound. And baby the way you make my world go 'round. And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. This time, I think I'm to blame. Its harder to get through the days. you get older and blame turns to shame. Cause everything inside, it never comes out right. And when I see you cry, it makes me wanna die. I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry I'm blue. I'm sorry 'bout all the things I said to you. And I know, I can't take it back. I love how you kiss, I love how you sound. And baby the way you make my world go 'round. And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. Every single day, I think about how we came all this way. The sleepless nights, and the tears you cried, Its never to late to make it right. Oh yeah, Sorry. I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry I'm blue. I'm sorry 'bout all the things I said to you, and I know, I can't take it back. I love how you kiss, I love how you sound, and baby the way you make my world go 'round. I just wanted to say, I'm sorry. I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry."
"Sorry'- Buckcherry

One more song

"Though you don't call anymore, I sit and wait in the rain. I guess I'll rap on your door, tap on your window pane. I wanna tell you baby, the changes I've been going through, missing you, listen you. 'Till you come back back to me that's what I'm gonna do. Why did you have to leave sir, you had to set me free. I'm gonna swallow my pride, I'm gonna beg you to please, baby please see me. I'm gonna walk out myself, just to prove that my love is true, Oh for you baby. 'Till you came back to me that's what I'm gonna do. Baby would you please, start living in a world of competent. Here my plea, I've got to make you see, that I will always love you. Although you thought you ignore, some how I must explain, I'm gonna rap on your door, tap on your window pane. I'm gonna get by your steps, until I get through to you, I got to change your view. 'Till you come back to me that's what I'm gonna do. "till you come back to me that's what I'm gonna do. 'Till you come back to me that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna rap on your door, tap on your window pane. I'm gonna rap on your door, tap on your window pane. I'm gonna rap on your door, tap on your window pane."
" 'Till you come back to me"- Aretha Franklin

Well tonight you got a treat! Two songs!!!!! My mind has dried up and there is nothing more for me to rant/write on about. Adue my loyal readers, perhaps tomorrow will bring cheer. I shall now bow and leave the stage until next time. Fare well.

Here is to a shity night!

Today was not bad! But tonight got a little depressing! The day started out with me getting up and trying not to fall asleep at the sink counter. I do think tomorrow morning will bring around the same feeling and I will not be able to function properly. But as the day went on I got better (and wider awake) and I really thought today would be one of the good days that come so rarely around here now. But alas it was not ment to be! My doctor has decided not to want to improve my health and deni me my medication!(don't not fear it was for allergies) but still I need to keep in the best health and state of mind that I can be in right now. So I say damn you to the lowest pits of hell doctor!!!!! Now if I wasn't such a "nice" person I would really have ment that but I do not. So as the day draged on it got better until about 7, then I really do not know what happened but I began to sink into the lower pits of my stomach and I did not want to do anything to bring myself back out. so alas I will blog and let you listen to my thoughts and maybe after this I shall feel better, maybe.

there is his boy in my first period class that will not let me have my thoughts back. It seems that more than I want them to my thoughts take over and let themsleves wonder and stray off into the corners of my mind and only think about one thing... him. He consumes my every night with him face and my every dream has to do with him. Every thing about him is perfect and it will never be so between us. there is nothing wonderful about me and every thing wonderful about him. Why-oh-why must I have a one track mind that can not control itself?

Edward... I am still searching for you. If you find me before I find you will you please let me know.

Song time...

"Baby look here at me, have you ever seen me this way? I've been fumbling for words through the tears and the hurt and the pain. I'm gonna lay it all out on the line tonight. And I think that its time to tell this uphill fight goodbye. Have you ever had to love someone that just don't feel the same? Trying to make somebody care for you the way I do is like trying to catch the rain. And if love is really forever, I'm a winner at a losing game. I know that baby you tried to find me somewhere inside of you. But you know you can't lie, girl you can't hide the truth. Oh no. Sometimes two hearts just can't dance to the same beat. So I'll pack up my things and I'll take what remains of me... Have you ever had to love someone that just don't feel the same? Trying to make somebody care for you, the way I do, is like trying to catch the rain. And if love is really forever, I'm a winner at a losing game. I know that I'll never be the man that you need although, yeah, baby its killing me to stand here and see I'm not what you've been dreaming of. Have you ever had to love someone that just don't feel the same? Trying to make somebody care for you the way I do is like thrying to catch the rain. And if love is really forever, I'm a winner at a losing game. If love is really forever, I'm a winner at a losing game.I'm tired of losing."
-Rascal Flatts: Winner at a losing game.

Oh how that song describes my life today. Goodnight all and sweet dreams! I know that it will be the highlight of my day...sleeping, for in my dreams, he and I shall be together... until the alarm-clock sounds!

Once Again Another Snowday

Yesterdays snow day was fun. I got to sleep in late and then got to hang out with my dad. Todayss snowday is just getting boring. Now I'm not saying that mother nature is putting a dent in my social life(because I never really had one), but come on. I don't think that I can live through many more snow days! After awhile they get annoying and I really do want to go to school tomorrow, though not for the learning. I want to see people and I want to figure out what I am going to do this weekend at ITS! Damn snow! Wow that is the first time I have ever said that! I'm so sorry snow!

The other day I was talking to Megan and I said something really stupid! We were talking about school being closed and I made the retarded comment that it would be really funny if they closed internet schools! How retarded can you get when you say that! Megan, being the nice person that she is, laughed at my retardedness and just went onto a different subject. But I could hear it in her laugh that she was thinking "My god amy, hoe retarded can you get!". I say thank you megan for being the nice person that you are and not saying anything. And I say sorry for being and uber-retard!

My cat Edward is wet. He jumped in the bathtub while i was filling up the water to give my dog Shelby a bath. I only mention this because he is sitting in front of me right now at the computer and trying to dry himself off. It is rather funny because he is a long haired cat and so when he gets wet he looks like a drowned rat! Though he doesn't smell to good!

Life on the home front is good for now! My dad had a good day yersterday and he was as happy as he can be without his heart next to him. I can look into his eyes though and see the hurt that he is going through. But he was good yesterday, at least around me. I have gotten into this habbit that when he gets quite and he gets this sad look on his face that i ask him whats wrong. I think I asked him that at least 25times yesterday. I just want him to be happy! But how happy can you get when your heart is somewhere else?

I guess it is time for the song...

"I don't like you, but I love you. Seems that I'm always thinking of you. Though you treat me badly, I love you madly. You really got a hold on me. ZYou really got a hold on me. Baby, I don't want you but I need you. Don't wanna kiss you, but I need to. Though you do me wrong now, my love is strong now. You really got a hold on me. You really got a hold on me. Baby, I love you and all I want you to do is just hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me, hold me. Tighter, tighter. I wanna leave you, don't wanna stay here, don't wanna spend another day here. Though I wanna split now, I can't quit now, you really got a hold on me. You really got a hold on me. Baby I love you and all I want you to do is just, hold me, please, hold me, squeese me, holg me. You really got a hold on me, I said you really got a hold on me."
That was Smokey Robinson and the Miracles- "You really got a hold on me".

Snow day!!!!!

Today is a snow day and it is 2 in the afternoon and i am still sitting in my pj's. I think i should get dressed but i really don't feel like it so i am going to stay in my pj's. As posted earlier I am going to ITS this weekend and yesterday I finalized the plans for my costume that I am going the wear. The theme is 1920's and if you have ever seen the movie Chicago then you would know the dress I am going to wear. Its the momma dress that is sexy and every figure friendly. its the only dress from the 1920's that wont make me look like a stump! Thank you Chicago!

It got really cold in my house last night so I went and got another cover and went to sleep. Then I still woke up because I was cold so I went and slept on the couch with two comforters and a little blanket, and with my dog pressed up against my back(she was very warm) though it was her choice to sleep there! I finally went to sleep and then I woke up because of the phone ringing. It was school calling to tell me what I already knew "You don't have school today". Ummmm- duh! thanks but I already knew that and was trying to sleep! Stupid School!!!!!

I always get scared when I have to leave my dad alone. this weekend is my moms weekend and he always says that he will be fine but i really never know. And its not like I think he will try to kill himself I just don't want him to get upset and me not be there to help him out. You see he is going through his second divorce and its really takeing its toll on him. I just want him to be happy again but i'm not sure when, or if, that will happen again.

"Rain drops keep falling on my head. And just like the guy whose feet are to big for his bed, nothing seems to fit. Those rain drops are falling on my head, they keep falling. So I just did me some talkin' to the sun, and I said I didn't like the way he got things done. Sleepin' on the job, those rain drops are fallin' on my head, they keep falling. But theres one thing I know, the blues they send to meet me, wont defeat me, it wont be long 'till happiness steps up to greet me. Rain drops keep falling on my head, but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red, cryings not for me, cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining. Because I'm free, nothings worrying me. It wont be long 'till happiness steps up to greet me. Rain drops keep falling on my head, but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red, cryins not for me, cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining. Because I'm free, nothings worrying me...(music)."

So that was fun! I think that will be a new thing on my blog! Every time I write another blog there will be a song on there that expresses my feelings for that day! New things always pop up in my mind though I can't always say that you will understand them!

sexy vampire!!!!!

Charlie Brown?

So today after school i got to our speech team play "Your a Good man Charlie Brown". It was fun! I got to play the music and they all had to wait until I was ready to go!!!!! Mahahahahahaha(evil laugh)! I wouldn't really do that, or would I? Guess will never find out!

I went to the store after Charlie Brown and what should have taken me ten minutes to get home took me fourty-five minutes because of the snow! Why-oh-why do all the retards have to come out and drive when the weather gets bad? Do they feel the need when the weather gets bad to say "hey I really have no where to go but I think I will go drive just to piss other people off. Maybe I have a death wish today! I guess we will find out cause if I don't come back then I was not ment to walk this earth anymore!!!!!" Okay well I guess they never get that deep into it because the are idiots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well now that my ranting is over i need something else to talk about!

I finally have a valentine! Even though he is a freshman he is adorable! But the only reason I have one is because we were selling the valentines for our school together and so it was just kind of a joke! but we still had fun!

This weekend I get to go to Northern Kentucky University because I am an avid member of the International Thespian Society(ITS). I get to do many fun things like different workshops, and we have a theme every year and this year is 1920's! We get to dress up and go to a dance and I really think that it will be fun! Plus I get to miss a day of school on friday! Oh and if it keeps it up outside(i.e the snowing) then i will also miss tomorrow! I am thrilled! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!